Being a new mom

We all think we know what to expect, or how we are going to be and feel, until it happens. At least that’s how it was for me. I watched a younger sibling grow and helped with their upbringing, so I thought it would be easy for me to be a mom. Boy, was I mistaken. There are so many things no one tells you or warns you about, the information that we should have been taught but no one wants to talk about because of it seeming awkward. Needless to say, it is a reality check with a major learning curve.

From clogged ducts, a lack of producing milk, to the sleep schedules and feeding times. It really is a lot for a new couple. Everything is new and you feel pressured by everyone around you on what to do or what not to do. And though some advice might have worked for one person, it doesn’t mean that advice may entirely work for you. It just takes time and trial and error, but you also don’t want to be a bad parent by doing so. You will cry, you will feel low and sometimes think you can’t do anything right. But it takes one day at a time, not even, it takes one step at a time. And patience. Lots and lots of patience, with yourself, with your partner, and with the baby.

The first few days after my daughter was born are honestly a blur, from lack of sleep, my whole body feeling achy and weird, it was definitely a new experience. All I knew is that it broke my heart to hear her cry and filled it with joy to see her staring at me. Still does if I’m being fully honest. As the weeks started to go by and I watched her gaining weight and growing, I fell more and more in love. And at the same time, the anxiety of being a good mom came creeping in. Was I doing enough? Or too much? Sure, I could ask my own mom or any woman in my life that has had children for help. But would what have worked for them work for me?

Though all this is new, scary and exciting all at the same time, I want to do it. I want to watch her grow healthy and strong and do whatever I can for her. To watch my partner hold her and see them both smiling. To hear her Coos and giggles and watch as she discovers new sounds and sights. Do I still think I can mess up? Of course! Anyone can, it comes with the territory. But I am willing to struggle and learn in the effort to make myself a better person, and in the long run, be a better mom.