Talking with the Wall

Growing up and looking at all the surrounding adults, I thought they had it all together. That they had everything figured out and had all the answers. The older I got, the more I realized how wrong I was. It was a farce. No one has all the answers and no one actually knows what they are doing. Every single person is either fighting or coasting through life to the best of their ability. But the one thing that I was told my whole life by these adults, was to communicate. Whether it be in relationships, in work, or in general, communication is key. I did my best trying to do that whenever I could, to communicate intent and emotion. But there was one thing that no one explained, maybe they didn’t know anything about it either. It wasn’t until my 30s had I even started to understand, communication is key, but without comprehension it means nothing.

You can communicate all you want, express all you want, but if the other person is talking and not actually comprehending or listening to what is being said, it’s futile. It’s like talking to a wall, you aren’t going to get anything back. The reality was that I was the person that wasn’t comprehending. Topics would be said to me, emotions would be expressed, but that was where it ended. I thought I was listening and trying to be better, to act on what was being said, but sadly I was mistaken. All the moments talked about would go in one ear and out the other, leaving little to actually take root in my brain. And when someone is actually trying to have a heart-to-heart, that is not a way that you should treat the situation. It doesn’t matter if the words made sense to you with the way they were spoken, what matters is the intent behind them and how it should affect you.

In a nutshell, you shouldn’t let peoples words just roll off you. If they are being rude or mean, there is usually reasoning behind it. Just like words of love have meaning and intent behind them. Obviously you shouldn’t take everything to heart, but you still need to be able to fully understand why things are being said the way they are. If you don’t, you will get left behind, because everyone else will be growing around you, while you are left figuring out how they are growing in the first place. If I had sat and actually tried to truly listen and understand what certain people were trying to tell me, if I had actually comprehended their feelings and intents, then I wouldn’t have lost the friendships that I had cherished so deeply. I wouldn’t have gotten left in the dust of them moving on. I would have been able to grow with them, but because of my lack of comprehension, I stunted my own growth and ended up getting stuck back at the starting line.

It’s a terrible feeling, finding out that you were the wall that people felt like they were talking to. To know that you were the one that wasn’t giving them anything back, especially when you thought you were trying. But when multiple people say the same thing, they all can’t be wrong. What do you do? Do you give up and hang your head? Or do you try and take that step up and actually start the race? For me, I don’t want to be left behind, I don’t want to be the wall that offers nothing. I want to be able to grow, to listen and to learn. To be able to offer comprehension and act on it. Is it going to be easy? Absolutely not. Especially when you’ve been a wall for so long, It’s hard to know if you are actually doing anything right. But that isn’t the point.

The point is doing what you can to communicate, comprehend and grow. To be able to have a conversation without completely falling apart, or falling short. To be able to reciprocate in discussions and have the other person walking away feeling satisfied as well, not just thinking I accomplished something. Doing so will allow both parties to have true understanding and be able to solve whatever problem has been presented and get through it. To grow together and keep pushing forward. Because that is what makes things easier, that’s what truly gives the air of having things figured out. If I had learned all this sooner, maybe I would have been able to save some of the bonds that I have lost. I honestly don’t have the answers to that. But one thing I do know, is that I am not going to let myself be the wall anymore. The wall benefits no one, and it’s about time to grow.